There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled…
You feel it, don’t you?
– Rumi
Mission Statement
My mission is to bring my hands, my heart, and my curiosity out to play with yours. I join people on their journey as they reconnect with their Self and help them find their way to balanced, authentic relationships with others.
My vision is to celebrate pleasure and connection in ways that that honor individuals and foster intimacy in their current and future relationships.
“Approach everything with curiosity, not judgement.”
What is Surrogate Partner Therapy?
SPT is a type of sex and relationship therapy that supports a client who is already in talk therapy. When someone reaches a point in their talk-based work where they need a partner to practice with and learn from, but they aren’t in an intimate relationship, their therapist may bring in a surrogate partner to collaborate in a “triadic model” to add touch and intimacy as part of the treatment.
The triadic model is a specific type of therapeutic approach where a therapist, a surrogate partner, and a client work as a team in service to the client’s relationship and intimacy goals. The client meets separately with the therapist and the surrogate, and the two practitioners talk between each session.
Since knowing how to do something is very different from experiencing it, working with a surrogate partner brings a somatic understanding that goes beyond talk therapy to work out the hows and whys of relationship intimacy. The relationship with the surrogate is based on mutual trust and communication and creates a safe container for exploring what healthy connection and genuine intimacy can look like.
What can this work do for me?
SPT is designed for unpartnered people who are struggling with shame, lack of experience, impacts of disability or neurodivergence, sexual ‘dysfunction’, performance anxiety, changes around sexual or gender identity, or a history of trauma. Through curiosity and openness, we explore your relationship to your Self and your body and the ways that shows up in your relationships with others. Some things will be challenging, some things will come smoothly, and all of it moves you closer to a more intimate and authentic Self while you unlearn what you’ve been told and discover new ways of creating and embodying intimacy.
The surrogate-client relationship is a safe and loving space for hands-on, bodies-on work that honors your emotions, challenges, growth, and change. There are no wrong answers – just new questions to delve into. From our first hello to an eventual caring, respectful, intentional ending, we’ll walk together on your journey of healing and discovery.
SPT can also be for partnered people! If you and your partner (or partners) have sexuality or intimacy challenges that you’d like to approach as a team, I’d love to talk with you and your therapist(s) about how I can support you in your work toward your shared goals.
Is this type of sex therapy legal?
This is a great question. It’s important to note that there are no laws against Surrogate Partner Therapy in any state in the US. In fact, in 1997 Vice President Kamala Harris, then the California State Attorney General, was asked about the legality of SPT. Her reply was “If it’s between consensual adults and referred by licensed therapists and doesn’t involve minors, then it’s not illegal.”
SPT is a therapeutic modality with specific goals and always practiced in collaboration with a referring clinician, not hiring someone for sex. The outdated term of “sex surrogate” is no longer in use because of its misleading implications of prostitution, allowing us to reframe the conversation around our modern focus on healing and growth. All practicing Surrogate Partners are required to be trained and certified through a recognized school to ensure that ethical and legal standards are maintained. My training and certification are through Surrogate Partner Collective.
I see clients in the greater Seattle area, usually once per week for 2-3 hours per session, at $220 per hour. Insurance does not currently cover SPT, but I offer a sliding scale in some instances; please let me know if this will make the work more accessible to you. Multi-day intensives are available for clients in other areas of the US – just fill out my contact form and I’m happy to talk about me coming to you.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
– Mary Oliver